


Don't Ever

by RonnieSilverlake



Series: Liquefied Love [5]
Category: Free!
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Makoto is a huge dork sometimes, Outgrown, Tumblr: makoharufestival, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 08:42:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonnieSilverlake/pseuds/RonnieSilverlake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka misses him achingly, misses his company, misses even the times when they do nothing together except sitting out on his porch, watching the sky, both of them immersed in their own thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [MakoHaru Festival](http://makoharufestival.tumblr.com) on tumblr.  
> Day 5  
> Prompt: Outgrown

This is such an odd distance to be having between the two of them. At least, Haruka certainly thinks it's odd. He even arrives at the rather unsettling conclusion that he did something wrong. Why else would Makoto be distancing himself from him? He wishes there was some sort of explanation, but Haruka just can't figure it out, and it's frustrating. Why does Makoto act so differently these days? He's just a little quieter on their walks than usual, as if he thinks Haru doesn't want to listen to him talk. (Haru always listens, though, even when it looks like he isn't paying attention.) And even when he does talk, he asks more about Haru than he talks about himself. Somehow, it feels as if something made Makoto lose confidence, but whether it's in himself or in Haruka, it's hard to tell. Did he do something wrong? Although he knows Makoto better than anyone else does, it's still the brunet who is really good at guessing Haruka's thoughts, not the other way around, and that leaves the dark-haired boy at a rather bad headspace with a hundred worries. He even goes as far as asking Nagisa whether Makoto has talked to him about whatever it was that bothered him, despite the fact that he really dislikes it when the blond butts his nose into their stuff, but Nagisa doesn't know; Makoto behaves just like usual, except for these few  _oddities_.

Now, Makoto is not very good at lying - that is a little bit of solace, because when Haruka finally realizes that Makoto isn't catching up to his thoughts this time, and manages to gather the necessary words to ask him what's wrong with him, the 'nothing at all' he receives as a response sounds sincere enough. Makoto's smile is sincere as well; it's as if nothing has changed.  _'I still love Haru,'_  is what the black-haired boy interprets it as, and he breathes a little easier for a moment, even if it still bothers him, to some extent, that all of a sudden, Makoto needs all this space, without telling him why. Even though there is no physical distance, it still feels like there is a bubble of air between them, a bubble that Haruka cannot burst to reach across; he just bounces off of it instead.

Nevertheless, as soon as that smile is not in front of him, the nagging worry is back, and no amount of  _excuses-that-don't-really-sound-like-excuses-but-they-are-excuses-anyway_ can make up for it. (Yes, that's what Haruka calls them now in his head. Still, he doesn't know how to ask, what to ask, not anymore. He did ask once, he got a response, what use would be asking again? Why would the response be any different?

After a while, though, it looks as if there is some sort of strain on Makoto. He becomes a little less talkative, there are a few more circles under his eyes, and it doesn't sound nearly as honest anymore when he says he's only nervous about their upcoming exams. And yet, perhaps for the first time ever in their lives, Makoto doesn't budge. Even when it becomes obvious that he is hiding something, he refuses to tell what it is; he keeps biting the inside of his cheek, but the reply Haruka so wants to hear doesn't come, and the shorter boy begins to wonder, in an idle sort of fashion, if he has hurt Makoto in some way without knowing.

When he presents that question to Makoto, for the first time since this has been going on, the brunet wavers. "Hurt me...?" he repeats, dumbfounded. "No, of course not, Haru! Where did  _that_ come from?" Haru believes him. He can't  _not_ believe, when the idea that this has even passed his mind seems to cause Makoto grief. By the look on his face, it's like Haruka has just stabbed him in the chest. He's even gripping at his shirt, as if it physically aches, and Haruka is beginning to think of more drastical methods of forcing Makoto to tell him the truth. He absolutely hates it that the person closest to him in the entire world is hiding something so important from him. It makes him wonder... if  _he_ is likewise still the person most important in Makoto's life, too.

The fact that that thought even crosses his mind makes Haruka sort of hate himself a bit.

He can't even really tell anymore how long this has been going on, but it is eating away at him, and he knows, he's absolutely sure, that it is eating away at Makoto too. It's been maybe three full weeks. This is the longest time since they've become friends that Makoto hasn't visited his house in the afternoon, even though he still waits for him on top of the stairs every morning in weekdays. Haruka misses him achingly, misses his company, misses even the times when they do nothing together except sitting out on his porch, watching the sky, both of them immersed in their own thoughts. It begins to feel as if they don't even have much to do with each other anymore, and the thought of that is suffocating.

It's in the early afternoon, but given the weather conditions outside, it could just as well be at night. For the past week, there have been numerous thunderstorms, and their teacher brought the news that a tsunami was coming, about twenty minutes ago. Now, it's not expected to be huge, but for the sake of safety, the homes too close to the ocean have been evacuated, and most of the small town is gathered in the school building until the natural disaster passes. Haruka reflexively searches for Makoto's eyes with his own, but Makoto is once again out of sight. Haruka thinks back to the fact that the brunet hasn't called him once during the past week's nights, even though he'd used to do it every time there was a storm too big to let them sleep - and he decides to just find himself a more quiet corridor, preferably not packed full of people.

He almost manages to slip away, when someone catches him by the arm. Looking around, Haruka isn't the least bit surprised to find his blond friend hanging onto his sleeve; forever the meddler, Nagisa. He means well, though, and his eyes are full of concern, and honestly, Haruka feels the same concern deep down, so he cannot honestly find it in himself to feel upset at the other. "Where's Mako-chan?!" the younger boy demands, and - unusual, but not fully surprising - Haruka can detect actual fear in his voice, too. He changes his mind with the speed of light.

"I'm looking for him right now," he replies firmly, tugging his sleeve out of Nagisa's grip. "You stay with Rei and Gou."

It's almost impossible to find anyone among so many people out in the corridors, as rain lashes against the windows so loud that it almost drowns out the voice of the crowd, but, for once, Haruka's instincts lead him to the right place. Makoto is back in their classroom, sitting on the floor in a corner, his forehead rested on his knees, his hands on the two sides of his head as he tries to block out all the noise. Haruka kneels before him, tugging his hands away. "Makoto," he calls, urgency in his voice. "Makoto."

Makoto jumps as if bitten, his eyes wide with fear. This is like his worst nightmare come true, and Haruka would do anything to make it  _not_ happen. Why does Makoto just  **have** to keep being reminded of his worst fear? And why can't Haruka do anything about it anymore? Why doesn't  _Makoto_ let him? " _ **Why?**_ " The question slips out quicker than he can think about what he is saying. Makoto is looking at him with a mixture of bewilderment and fright, but once he started, there is no stopping for Haruka. Makoto is clearly too scared to know what Haruka means, so he has to speak his mind for once. "Why have you stopped coming to me, Makoto? Why can't you trust me anymore? Why don't you want this -  _us_ \- anymore?" He doesn't even know if he actually wants to hear the answer, if he can  _take it_ , but he goes on anyway. "Have you  **outgrown** me, Makoto? Moved on? Is it me holding you back...?" The expression on Makoto's face makes it harder with every word; there is so much raw pain in the brunet's eyes that Haruka's voice just falters, and then fades away altogether.

The next moment, Makoto's arms are reaching around him, and Haruka falls to his knees before he can find his balance. "I'm sorry..." He can feel Makoto's cheek press against his own, and he's not sure if he's only imagining it being a little damp. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Haru..." And Haru feels like he can't quite breathe, because Makoto is apologizing, but he is not denying any of what Haru has said.

Or, is he?

The brunet's arms tighten convulsively around Haruka's waist when a bolt of thunder strikes through the sky, and his next words are staggered, as if he's breathless from the fright. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I-I-... I don't... I  _can't_ outgrow you..." It's like a lead weight that has been hooked onto Haruka's limbs for the past days just evaporates into nothingness. He lets out a sigh, and tightens his own hold, even though kneeling in the corner like this is cramped and uncomfortable. "I just thought... I shouldn't keep relying on you all the time," Makoto adds, his words growing more and more quiet with each passing second.

"... What?" Haruka thinks he heard wrong. "Did someone say something to you?" he demands immediately. "Who said relying on me was wrong?"

"Nobody... I just... can't keep hiding behind Haru all the time, can I?" Makoto's voice is still shaky, and he pulls away a little, ducking his head - but Haruka is the one this time who doesn't let him, tugging him back towards himself, till the taller boy's forehead is resting against his chest.

"I never said I mind, did I?" he murmurs, half relieved, half annoyed. It's so like Makoto, to make such a big deal out of something like this. "You really are a hopeless overthinker..." Although, to stick with it for so long, without telling Haruka, that was a first. (He hopes there isn't going to be a second.) "I rely on you, too. Don't I?"

"B-But that's... different," Makoto mumbles, now pulling away altogether, his face flushed, his eyes downcast. Haru doesn't resist the temptation to roll his eyes.

"Different how? You rely on me, I rely on you, I don't see the problem."

"... You really don't...?" One would think Makoto sounds a little incredulous, but actually, there is nothing but honest surprise, and a spurt of  _hope_. "You... do you really mean that, Haru?"

Haru presses his forehead against Makoto's. "I need you," he says in an unusually soft tone. "You know I do."

There is a momentary pause. "I know," Makoto finally replies simply, but his own voice has warmed up a little; he is still obviously scared (what with everything going on, Haruka really isn't surprised about that), but he sounds so much less strained, as if he, too, is relieved over having resolved this at long last. He sounds very much like the old Makoto, the one who knows what Haruka thinks without Haruka having to say it, and the dark-haired boy finds solace in that.

"Then don't you dare outgrow me," he all but growls, and Makoto actually  _laughs_  - only to cling to Haruka again a moment later when the next bolt of lightning arrives, face pressed firmly into the other's shoulder; and Haruka is all too happy to grant him the safe haven he has always been.

He won't want to grow this out anytime soon, either.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is very welcome! (I'm not particularly satisfied with how this one turned out...) If you liked it, please like/reblog the [original post](http://makoharufestival.tumblr.com/post/73936838950/challenge-outgrown-user-streganicha-rating-sfw)!


End file.
